When AltaVista's language translator is used to convert English to another language, and then back to English, something is usually lost in the translation. Here's what happens to a few selections from the "Logue Humor Page".
English -Today's Stock Market Report:
Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.
Knives were up sharply.
Cows steered into a bull market.
Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
Weights were up in heavy trading.
Light switches were off.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom.
Diapers remained unchanged.
Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
The market for raisins dried up.
Coca Cola fizzled.
Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.
Sun peaked at midday.
Balloon prices were inflated.
Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.
And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.
French - State Of today Of stock Market:
Helium was to the top, of the feathers were downwards. Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent piping was darkened in the light trade.
The knives were to the top abruptly.
The cows directed in a market haussier.
The pencils destroyed some points.
The rise of the hardware trailed.
The elevators rose, whereas escalators continued their slow decline.
The weights were in rise in the heavy trade.
The light switches were extinct.
Low of rock of blow of mining equipment.
The layer-breeches remained without change.
The maritime lines remained with an equal skittle.
The market for dry grapes dried upwards.
The Coke fizzled.
The provisions of track-laying tractor advanced to the top of a bit.
The sun made a point at midday.
Prices of balloon were inflated.
The fabric of Scott touched new low.
And batteries burst in order to try to reload the market.
German - Today's stock exchange report:
Helium was above, feathers/springs was down. Paper was stationary.
Phosphor hoses one colluded in the small turnover activity.
Meters were sharp above.
Cows controlled into a bull market.
Pencils lost some points.
Moving the equipment dragged.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow acceptance.
Weights were above in heavy concerning.
Bright switch were out.
Mine equipment hit rock lower surface.
Diapers remained unchanged.
Ship lines remained at an even keel.
The market for the raisins dried above.
Coca cola fizzled.
Track laying vehicle supply moved up a bit step for step away.
Sun rose up at noon up.
Balloon prices were blown up.
Fabric Scott touched a new lower surface.
And batteries explodes, in order to again-load the market.
Italian - Odierno Relationship Of the Securities market:
The helium was in on, piume was down. The paper was stationary.
The fluorescent gallery has been darkened in the clear commerce.
The blades were acutely in on.
The cows have directed in a Taurus market.
The matite ones have lost some points.
Hiking the equipment was strascicando.
The elevators are increased, while the scales you furnish have continued their slow decline.
The weights were in on in the heavy commerce.
The clear switches were disinseriti.
Inferior part of the cliff of blow of the mining equipment.
The diapers they are remained identically.
The marine lines have remained to one uniform keel.
The market for the grape passes has been dried up in on.
Coke-it strains fizzled.
The supply of the crawler track tractor has moved slowly on a bit.
The sun has raised to the noon.
The prices of the aerostat have been inflazionati.
The woven one of Scott has touched one new inferior part.
And batteries exploded in the attempt to recharge market.
Spanish - Report Of today Of the Market De Acción:
The helium was for above, the pens was down. The paper was immovable.
The insulator of fluorescent tube was cushioned in negotiating light.
The knives were for above sostenidamente.
The cows directed in a bull market.
The pencils lost some ends.
To go on trip the equipment crawled.
The elevators rose, whereas the movable stairs continued their slow declination.
The weights consisted for above of negotiating heavy.
The light switches were dull.
Bottom of the rock of the blow of the equipment of mining operation.
The diapers remained without changing.
The lines of shipment remained in a uniform keel.
The market for you happen was dried for above.
The tail of the cocaine fizzled.
The diestock of the caterpillar advanced to poquitos upon a bit.
The sun hoisted in the noon.
The prices of the globe were inflated.
The fine weave of Scott touched a new bottom.
And the batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.
English - When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.
Two atoms are walking down the street and they run into each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!"
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
A man entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
French - When she said to me I were average, she were to be just average.
Two atoms descend the street and they function in one the other. One indicates to the other, " are you very right? " " not, I destroyed an electron! " " be you sure? " " ouais, I am positive! "
Did you intend to speak about the Buddhist who refused Novocain of his dentist during the work of channel of root? It wanted to exceed the dental drug.
A man wrote a contest of the pun of the local newspaper. He introduced ten different puns, in the hope that at least one would gain. Unfortunately, no pun in ten steps.
German - When she explained to me, I was average, her was even its means.
Two atoms go running down the road and them in each other. One says you on the other hand, " is quite quite? ", " No., I lost an electron! ", " you are safe? ", " Yeah, I am positive! ",
Did you hear over the Buddhisten, which rejected Novocain of its dentist during the root channel work? It wanted to exceed tooth-medical medication.
A man entered a Punwettbewerb of the local newspaper. It would transmit in 10 different Puns, in the hope, which one would win at least. Unfortunately no Pun in 10.
Italian - When it has said to me I was medium, she I was medium just being.
Two atoms are walking down the way and work in to vicissitude. It is said to the other, " you are all of right? " " not, I have lost an electron! " " you are sure? " " yeah, they are positive! "
You have felt to speak about the Buddhist who has refused Novocain of its dentist during the job of the channel of the root? It has wished to exceed the dentale drug.
A man has entered in a competition of pun of the local paper. He has introduced ten puns different, in the hope that at least would be gained. Unfortunately, no pun in ten.
Spanish - When she claimed to me was average, she was the bad being just.
Two atoms are crossing under the street and they are executed in one a. One says to the other, " you are you all right? " " no, I lost an electron! " " are safe you? " " yes, I am positive! "
You heard speak the Buddhist who rejected Novocain of his dentista during work of the channel by the root? He wished to surpass the dental medication.
A man incorporated a competition of the retruécano of the local paper. He sent in ten diverse retruécanos, with the hope of which at least one won. Unfortunately, no retruécano in ten.
English - Bumper Stickers
Jesus saves, passes to Moses; shoots, SCORES!
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
Help stamp out and eradicate superfluous redundancy.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not sure.
Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery.
No sense being pessimistic, it probably wouldn't work anyway.
French - Stickers Of stop
Jesus saves, passes towards Moses; growths, POINTS!
A size is a terrible thing to occupy itself.
Atheism is an organization of not-prophet.
Does named Pavlov sound a bell?
Each one is entitled to my opinion.
Help to press outside and to remove the superfluous redundancy.
I was accustomed to thinking that I was undecided, but now I am not sure.
Rabbit of stopped énergifiant agent, charged with the battery.
No direction being pessimistic, that would probably function in any event.
German - Impact label
Jesus protects, exceeds Moses; Entry threads, NOTCHES!
A waist is a terrible thing for caring.
Atheism is one NichtNon prophetorganisation.
Schellt the NamensPavlov a bell?
Everyone is permitted to my opinion.
Help out to mark and exterminate unnecessary redundancy.
I tended to think that I was undetermined, but I am not safe now.
Energy source rabbit held, loaded with battery.
No direction, which is pessimistic, would function probably not somehow it.
Italian - Bumper Self-sticking papers
Jesus saves, passes to Moses; shooting, SIGNS!
A life is one terrible what to occuparsi of.
The atheism it is an organization of the non-non-prophet.
The Pavlov name squilla one flange?
All it is authorized to my opinion.
To contribute to stamp outside and uprooting the superfluous overabundance.
I have used to think that pits not decisive, but hour they are not sure.
Coniglietto of the goader arrested, loaded with the battery.
No sense that is pessimistic, probably would not work however.
Spanish - Gummed labels Of bumper
Safe Jesus, happens to Moses; launchings, ACCOUNTS!
A waist is a terrible thing to matter.
The ateismo is an organization of the not-prophet.
The well-known Pavlov sounds an alarm?
Each one occurs right to my opinion.
Help to print towards it go and to suppress superfluous redundancy.
It thought that he was indeciso, but I am not safe now.
Conejito of the arrested, loaded activator with the battery.
Any sense that is pessimistic, would not work probably anyway.
English - Church Bulletin Quotes
1. Don't let worry kill you--let the church help.
2. For those who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
3. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?". Come early and listen to the choir practice.
4. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.
French - Quotation mark Of Bulletin Of Church
1. Do not leave the setting to dead of concern -- let the church to you help.
2. For those which have children and do not know them, we take a seedbed in bottom.
3. With will the service of evening this evening, the subject of sermon be " what is hell? ". Come early and listen to the practice as regards chorus.
4. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come ahead and thus.
German - Church message of stating lines
1. Do not let concern abort you -- leave you the church to help.
2. For those, which have children and it, we do not have a nursery garden down.
3. At the evening service this evening, is the Sermonthema ", which hell? is ". Come early and hear you to choir practice.
4. The following Sunday is taken a special accumulation, in order to pay the costs of the new carpet. Everything progress those, which would like to do something on the new carpet, and in such a way.
Italian - Virgolette Of The Bulletin Of The Church
1. Not to leave the worry killing you -- to leave the church to help.
2. For that it has children and it does not know them, we have one maternal school downstairs.
3. To the evening service this evening, the subject of sermon will be " that what is hell? ". To come soon and to listen to the practical one of the choir.
4. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken in order to pay the new cost moquette. All those that wish to make something on the new moquette will come in ahead and therefore.
Spanish - Quotations Of the Bulletin Of the Church
1. It does not leave to the slaughter of the preoccupation you -- you let the church help.
2. For that they have children and they do not know them, we have a quarter of children down.
3. In the service of afternoon tonight, the subject of the sermon will be " which is hell? ". Come early and you listen to the practice of the choir.
4. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to pay the cost of the new carpet. All those that wish to do something in the new carpet will come ahead and so.
English - The French will eat almost anything. A young cook decided that the French would enjoy feasting on rabbits and decided to raise rabbits in Paris and sell them to the finer restaurants in the city. He searched all over Paris seeking a suitable place to raise his rabbits. None could be found. Finally, an old priest at the cathedral said he could have a small area behind the rectory for his rabbits. He successfully raised a number of them, and when he went about Paris selling them, a restaurant owner asked him where he got such fresh rabbits. The young man replied, "I raise them myself, near the cathedral. In fact, I have ..... a hutch back of Notre Dame."
French - The French will eat almost anything. A young cook decided that the French would have pleasure to regale rabbits and decided to raise rabbits in Paris and to sell them at the finer restaurants in the city. He sought everywhere Paris seeking a suitable place to raise his rabbits. None could be found. In conclusion, an old priest with the cathedral said that it could have a small zone behind the cure for his rabbits. He has them successfully raised a certain number, and when he traversed Paris selling them, an owner of restaurant asked him where he obtained such fresh rabbits. The young man answered, " I raise them myself, close to the cathedral. In fact, I recover..... a bin of lady of Our "
German - The Frenchmen eat almost everything. A young cook decided to enjoy that the Frenchmen would enjoy, on rabbits and decided to raise rabbits in Paris and to sell her to the finer restaurants in the city. It looked all up over of Paris a usable workstation looking up, in order to raise its rabbits. None could be found. Finally an old priest said at the cathedral that he could have a small area behind the Rectory for its rabbits. He successfully raised a number of them, and as he over Paris went, which sells her, asked a restaurant owner him, where he received such fresh rabbits. The young man answered, " I raises her, close of the cathedral. Actually I have..... a Hutch back from lady NOT rh ",
Italian - The French will eat nearly qualche.cosa. A young cook has decided that the French would enjoy to dilettarsi on the rabbits and determined to raise the rabbits to Paris and venderli to the finer restaurants in the city. Paris has tried everywhere that it tries a place adapted in order to raise its rabbits. No could have been found. In order to conclude, a priest old to the cathedral it has said that small zone behind the rectory for its rabbits could have one. Succeeding them a sure number has raised with and when he has gone approximately Paris that sells them, an owner of the restaurant has asked to it where it has obtained such freschi rabbits. The young person has answered, " I raises them I same, near the cathedral. In fact, I behind have..... a hutch of the dame of Notre. "
Spanish - The French will eat almost any thing. A young cook decided that the French would enjoy banquetear in rabbits and determined to raise rabbits in Paris and to sell them to the finest restaurants in the city. He looked for all concluído Paris that tried an advisable place to raise their rabbits. No could be found. Finally, an old priest in the cathedral said that he could have a small area behind rectoría for his rabbits. It educated a number successfully, and when it was on Paris that sold them, a proprietor of the restaurant asked to him where he obtained such fresh rabbits. The young man answered, " I educates them same, near the cathedral. In fact, I have..... a sideboard behind the lady of Notre. "
English - A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, why the long face?".
A termite walks into a bar and says, "Hey, where's the bar tender?".
A sandwich walks into a bar and says, "Give me a pint of beer". The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve food here".
A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much is a beer? The bartender says, "For you, no charge."
A three-legged dog walks into a bar in the old west and says, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
A man walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"
French - A horse goes in a bar. The said barman, " hé, why the long face? ".
Does a termite go in a bar and indicates, " hé, where is the offer of bar? ".
A sandwich goes in a bar and indicates, " give me one pint of beer ". The said barman, " I am afflicted, us do not serve food here ".
Does a neutron go in a bar and requires of the barman, " how much is a beer? The said barman, " for you, no load "
A dog three-with legs goes in a bar in the old west and indicates, " I seek the man who drew my leg "
A man walks in a bar and known as, " Ouch! "
German - A horse goes into a staff. The bar mixer says, " Hey, why the long face? ".
A termite goes Hey into a staff and says, to ", where the staff tender? is ".
Goes into a staff and says, " gives you to me pint beer " sand-yielded. The bar mixer says, " I is sad, we serve not food here ".
A neutron goes into a staff and asks the bar mixer, " how much is a beer? The bar mixer does not say, " for you, a charge ",
Three three legged a dog goes into a staff in the old west and says, " I looks the man up, shot my Paw. ",
A man goes Ouch into a staff and says, to "! ",
Italian - A horse walks in one bar. The bartender says, " hey, why the long face? ".
A thermit walks in a bar and says, " hey, where is the offer of the bar? ".
A sandwich walks in a bar and says, " darmi one pinta of beer ". The bartender says, " I is spiacente, we not servants the food here ".
A neutron walks in a bar and asks the bartender, " how much is one beer? The bartender says, " for you, no loads "
A three-supplied dog of legs walks in a bar in the old west and says, " is trying the man that it has shot mine paw. "
A man walks in a bar and says, " Ouch! "
Spanish - A horse crosses in a bar. The waiter says, " hey, porqué the long face? ".
A thermite crosses in a bar and says, " hey, where is the supply of the bar? ".
Emparedado crosses in a bar and says, " déme a beer dot ". The waiter says, " I is grieved, we does not serve the food here ".
A neutron crosses in a bar and asks the waiter, " how much is a beer? The waiter says, " for you, no load "
A dog tres-three-legged crosses in a bar in the old west and says, " I am looking for the man who threw to my leg "
A man crosses in a bar and says, " Ouch! "
English - Noted Dough Boy Dies!
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. He was buried Friday in one of the biggest funerals in years.
Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies. The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew he was kneaded".
Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie, and wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model to millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They had two children, and... one in the oven.
French - Remarkable matrices Of Boy Of the Paste!
Noise N Fresh of spokesman of Pillsbury of veteran died Wednesday of a serious yeast infection. It was 71 years old. It was buried Friday in one of the greatest burials in years.
The dozen celebrities proved to include Mrs. Butterworth, the dry grapes of California, famished Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Twinkies hostess. The graveside was piled up high with flours, because aunt Jemima of friend of longtime delivered the eulogy, to describe fresh while a man that " never knew it was mixed ".
Expenses rose quickly in the show business, but its posterior life was filled of rotations. It was not considered a smart biscuit, and wasted much of its paste on the arrangements half-cooked with the furnace with the furnace. Always, even while an old crusty man, it was a model of bearing to the million. Expenses is survived by his second wife. They had two children, and... one in the furnace.
German - Considered paste boy cubes!
Bangbang bang N. Fresh VeteranPillsbury died Wednesday of a strict yeast infection. It was 71. He was buried Friday in one of the largest funerals in the years.
Dozens of famousnesses failed the Mit.einschliessen of Mrs Butterworth, the California raisins, hungry Jack, Betty Crocker and the Hostess twin gravel. The graveside strongly with flours, Jemima longtimefreundtante there eulogy supplied, freshly accumulated a describing, while a man, who never could do " it, was kneaded ".
Freshly rose fast in appearance business, but its newer life span was filled with conversions. It was considered not as an intelligent Plaetzchen and wasted much his paste on half-baked designs. Still even as crusty an old man, it a role model to the millions was. Freshly by his second wife one survives. They had two children and... one in the furnace.
Italian - Dices Celebrate Of The Boy Of The Paste!
I crack N. Fresh of the megaphone of Pillsbury of the veteran has died Wednesday of a strict infection of I leaven. It was 71. It has been buried friday in one of the greater funerals during the years.
The dozens of the celebrities have turned out to include sig.ra the Butterworth, the grape pass of California, starved Jack, Betty Crocker and the Twinkies stewardess. The graveside it has been stacked on with flours, poichè the aunt Jemima of the friend of the longtime has transported the eulogy, to describe fresh while a man who " has not never known it has been pasted ".
Coolness is increased quickly in the exposure commerce, but its later life has been filled up of turnovers. It has not been considered a biscotto sly and it has wasted a lot of its paste on the half-cooked outlines. Nevertheless, just while a old man crusty, he was a model of the seam to million. Coolness is survivor from its second moglie. They have had two children and... one in the furnace.
Spanish - Dices Known the Boy Of the Paste!
Outbreak N. Fresh of the spokesman of Pillsbury of the veteran died Wednesday of a severe infection of the leavening. It was 71. They buried Friday in one of the greatest burials of years.
The dozens of celebrities turned out to include Mrs. Butterworth, you happen of California, hungry Cat, Betty Crocker, and the Twinkies presenter. Graveside was filled above with flours, as Jemima aunt of the friend of longtime gave eulogy, fresh describing whereas they kneaded a man who " never knew him ".
Fresh one rose quickly in business of the demonstration, but its later life was filled of volumes of sales. They did not consider a cake elegant, and lost much of its paste in schemes half-cooked to the furnace. However, even like old crujiente man, it was a model of the roller to million. Fresh he is survived by his second wife. They had two children, and... one in the furnace.